Grammar Issues #1

This might prove to be the last of these, but I want to have something to link to when I want to explain to someone why their grammar sucks. So I'm going to mention a bunch of things that are quite common (especially by certain people on The Escapist, users and contributors alike), and tell you how to fix them. Redlin, I'm not singling you out, although you might make them as well (I haven't noticed that, though).

Let's begin:

#1 There's
If you are mentioning multiple items after the word there, and want to tell me that they are in a location, you do not use "there's." "There's" is a contraction of "there" and "is," and is used only for a single object. "There is a film I like." "There is an apple on the porch." Get me? You don't say "There's apples out there," although I hear it frequently -- possibly even more in speech than in text. Why? It's laziness. There are apples. There are films I like. We good?

#2 Not using an apostrophe when you remove letters of a word
Okay, so you want to use the word "spite" instead of "despite" because it's easier to type? "Bout" instead of "about"? Fine. But you have to fix it up, otherwise your words are different. "Spite" is an actual word. As is "bout." But if you put the apostrophe at the front of the word, your missing letters are accounted for. "I'm writing 'bout something 'spite that it's fun for me." See how much simpler that is? Good. Now do that from now on.

#3 "Of" is not a replacement for "have"
If you are putting something into the past tense, one of the words to do that is "have." You could have done something. Maybe you should have done it! But you shouldn't "of" done something. "Of" does not work. I understand why it gets used -- "should've" kind of sounds like "should of" -- but it's wrong. Stop doing it. You look like a moron.

#4 Pronounce the word "have" properly
Since we've already determined that you should be using "have" more frequently than you might have already, let's make sure you're pronouncing it properly. It is not pronounced like the word "half." There is a V there. Vs are not the same as Fs. So why do you say you "half to do something"? Do it properly!

#5 "And" instead of "to"
This is another one that really bugs me. You know how a lot of people say they're going to "try and do something"? Or similar phrases? They're wrong! By using "and," you're separating the two actions. You're "trying" and you're "doing." What are you trying? Nobody knows because there's nothing to follow it but another action. Now, when you "try to do something," you're having the "try" part apply directly to the "do," meaning the actions are connected, not separated. Using "and" is wrong; "to" is the correct word.

That's all for now. If I can think of more, I'll make another one of these. But this is what's bugging me at the moment.

Ciao,
Marter